Commitment

St Albans Half Marathon, June 2010.  Recovering after an enjoyable run, finishing 365th out of 1,975 runners with a time of 1hour 44 mins.


After the last couple of days taken as sick leave, I'm reminding myself of a commitment I've already made.  I am going to stay fit to stay healthy in body and mind.

I truly believe that it was God's hand at work in 2008 when I was led to experience much stress at work.  There was such a range of solutions that became apparent as I talked it over with Rachel and the HR Manager at work. I could have quit work altogether, taken an unpaid sabbatical, reduced my hours, go to the Doctor and so on.  I then remembered that in the past - in my twenties - I had derived such a thrill from running, I decided to give it a go, even though I couldn't really explain it.  Probably the nearest rational way of explaining it was knowing I needed to lose some weight.

Since then I have largely achieved what I set out to achieve but have that nagging feeling of "what next?".  I need a challenge as so many friends will know (as I have fished for ideas, suggestions and inspiration).  While I haven't quite decided, it will almost certainly be either running or cycling.

So, it's late September, the days are becoming noticeably shorter and cooler.  Soon it will be dark at the time I leave the office to come home - that is one of all kinds of "excuses" that I can come up with to justify not cycling to and from work.  I have reactivated my DW Sports Fitness membership after the summer break so on days when I don't cycle I can at least go to the gym (after family commitments, of course).  I probably need to stock up on some gear from Wiggle and having CTC membership gets a discount there and also at Cotswold Camping (very handy near the St Albans office!).

My commitment - improve my fitness through the winter!  Why, well that's easy: staying healthy physically and mentally.  Being a husband, father and pushing things along in my work.  So help me.

Our summer holiday, before I forget!

Samuel, Justine, Hannah McR, Becky, Rachel, Ruth, Hannah, Bethany, Kate and me. We'd all been on holiday with each other (plus others who left early) somewhere in Warwickshire. It was late July, 2010.

We like going on holiday with friends and this time it included friends of friends and their friends! The last few days was down to the ten of us, spread over three families.

The three bits that I remember best are perhaps the bits that just do not cost anything at all.

1. The weather wasn't brilliant and we did have some rain. One morning Rachel and I sat in our tent listening to the rain drops and enjoying each other's company when we were joined by Ruth and Justine, swapping places with our girls who'd just disappeared into another tent to be with the other kids (and howls of laughter and many giggles could be heard across the campsite). We sat there drinking endless mugs of tea and putting the world to right. Lovely company and all like minded - we all enjoy that kind of holiday, they're Christians too and we enjoyed getting to know each other.

2. It was also Becky's 12th birthday while we there and the celebrations included "afternoon tea" at the campsite's tea garden. Real china was used and all the tea pots had individually knitted tea cosies for that "previous generation" look. All very charming.

Some of us had been for a bike ride around the local area for an hour or so. The kids came too. Really nice ambling through quiet country lanes, followed by going single file along a canal towpath and back to the campsite.

3. The other part that I did enjoy was the journey home - I decided to cycle! Riding from Warwickshire to Bedfordshire sounds like a long way, especially as it was via a little bit of Northamptonshire and a corner of Buckinghamshire. In fact it was about 50 miles and there was a helpful tail wind that made it so easy. For most of the ride I was on unclassified roads, often freewheeling through villages. Nice gentle hills, I only used a low gear once for a short slope between Tottenhoe and Dunstable.

Now we're starting to think about another trip away with one of the families - we've already booked some accommodation near Snowdon for the half term break. Sorting out walking gear on Friday!

Dad's birthday

Dad, with Becky and Hannah just before his 82nd birthday.

I really love my Dad. My love for him - and Mum - grows deeper, perhaps through being a parent myself. I hope I'll grow to be more like Dad in terms of his patient gentle approach to life. His faithfulness and humility is such a good example for me.

He really appreciated us taking him to the Horse & Jockey for a meal with us all around him. He enjoyed the food and our company, plus we were in one of their little rooms, so fairly private. Earlier that day, we'd go to Ashridge for a stroll but Dad not only wanted to use one of the National Trust's electric buggies but wanted Mum to drive it for him. Bless him, just not feeling up to handling the buggy himself but he was a gracious passenger.

Next update....

Here we are, Becky, Hannah and myself at the 2010 London Skyride event. Quite a fantastic event with central London being taken over by cyclists for a day. If only it could be like that all the time.

I really like the odd trip into London, though Rachel doesn't care too much for it. I enjoy pointing out various Westminster buildings, hotels and so on that I've been to in connection with my work but B&H never quite get the drift of what I get up to.

As I write this, I'm enjoying a sick leave day, the first for many years. An early dose of flu hasn't been too bad (and I've been to work with far worse) but I thought I was going to recover quicker by having time at home. No great pressures at work right now although there is a kind of under-lying stress I cannot quite put my finger on. It has worked and I've gained from the de-stressing nature of an armchair travel book (Take a seat, Dominic Gill) and time to reflect and watch the summer colours fade away in the garden.

I like all the seasons nowadays, although I sometimes mourn one season fading in to another, especially as it seems to be speeding up. I said to my Dad earlier this month, that he chose well in having his birthday in September; such a beautiful month for us.

Our garden pond is the source of some really nice organic watercress (aka pond weed, an essential ingredient of my compost sandwiches). It's also a source of endless enjoyment for the girls as they terrorise the frogs, much to the amusement of the other kids in the neighbourhood. Well, most of them.

Catching up

Here's a recap on things over recent months. You see, I've been really busy and deflected away from blogging. With this being written in August, there's quite a bit to remember and little chance.







February 2010

A quiet month in many ways. Met with Wallie in London for a day as we do from time to time. The image is from a relief I photographed at Kings Cross St Pancras station. As I do go into London from time to time on business, this reflects how I often look and feel.

We had the delights of celebrating Hannah's 10th birthday on 31st January although she had her birthday party just into February - scrambling around at Dell Farm.

Although February is probably the lowest part of the year for me, I had the impending Bath Half Marathon to concentrate on. I did some training, though not frequently enough.

March 2010

Bath Half on the 7th was great, very cold and painful towards the end but oh so worth it. My time was 1.48 so under my 2 hour target. At mile 9 my right groin became painful, just as it had during a long run the previous weekend - a good sign of pushing myself too hard.

Towards the end of the month I hosted a stakeholder conference at work. I was so relieved when I clocked so many people had come. I remember Barbara our Communications Manager trying to interview me while the workshops were taking place - she just couldn't get any sense out of me at all, I was kind of punch drunk through the event going well.

And then, our 14th wedding anniversary!

New running shoes and Rachel's iPod

"Wow" said Becky, "Just look at the sky Dad, you've just gotta photograph that! Just look at those colours, do you think it'll snow tonight....?"

Yesterday was a treat for us. Having taken a week from work we could go to the gym together but I needed to buy some more running shoes. Reckon my current ones are 75% worn out.

We went to the gym later and I quite like following Rachel around while she does her things. Normally, she says, she has all of the Easy Line equipment to herself. It looks a bit OAP-like through being finished in shades of beige and you can't exactly load huge weights onto it. So, there was Rachel, going around with her white headphones in and jiggling around in tune to some music. By then I'd realised that it wasn't plugged into anything, the jackplug was just in her pocket, not connected to anything! This could only be Rachel; I can't think of anyone who would make such a cheapskate comment on other gym-goers (including myself) and yet this is just one of the many reasons why I love her - only Rachel could get away with this.

I couldn't keep up wih Rachel who was flitting from one thing to another. Half way 'round the Easy Line stuff we were suddenly off onto the Treadwalkers. There's a maximum 20 minutes allowed on these machines, which always seem to be in demand. On mine I was holding the metal grip and watching my heart beat go up and down a little - but Rachel couldn't get hers to work so she switched onto a machine on the other side of me. That was nice. Then, as I was only half way through, she zoomed off going rowing. Then a few minutes later she was off going swimming! Quite an impressively varied workout and I couldn't keep up wih that and besides, I wanted to try out my running shoes by RUNNING.

I decided to do a straight mile and achieved that in exactly 6.40. No Roger Bannister performance but it equaled my best to date. Felt really great afterwards and that I could have done it faster (need to get pacing myself better sorted). I tried to imagine what it would be like to run like those athelites who complete full marathons in a little over two hours. "Wow" I thought "that would mean averaging about 13mph" and I can only keep 10mph up for a few minutes. Some way to go....

A scary bike ride

With all the snow of late, its been hard trying to spot the right opportunity for a bike ride. That combined with family life has made it almost impossible.

So last Saturday, we needed a few things from Sainsbury's so I decided to cycle there, but to go there via a running route. Just as I was out in the countryside I was suprised to find that there was still a little snow lying in a ditch; it must have been there since before Christmas. This ride is about 7 miles, not too far by any means.

There were quite a few scary bits. My front light - normally very bright - was just not bright enough when bombing down some slopes. I just couldn't see clearly enough in front of me to avoid all those usual hazards - potholes, gravel etc. It seemed quite weird losing all sense of whether I was going on a flat road, up or downhill until the speed changed significantly. Suddenly finding yourself gathering speed on gravel was really scary. And then through the woods. Remember, completely dark, no other cars around. Normally when I run this stretch I can hear anything around me and just know what's going on. I'd forgotten you just don't get this the same way on a bike. Anyone could spot me a mile off and I wouldn't know.

So the best bit was back on a main road and speeding down the road that comes from the Downs back into town. That's a nice smooth fast road and some lights around at the bottom. I was down on the dropped handlebars, tears streaming from my eyes and enjoying the feeling of the freezing cold blast on my face. I was almost in the middle of the road, just on myside of the white line (I figured that was the safest) and I couldn't resist that "Wa Heeeeeeeeee" when I was at top speed!

Some pleasant training

This is the village I ran to on Sunday, although this photograph was taken on Christmas Day, see below.



Every now and then we have to do mandatory training, sometimes relevant, other times not so relevant. The not-so-relevant training is normally to allow the organisation to tick a helpful box somewhere and most are left wondering why.

Today was almost one of those occasions with Child Protection training. As I'm not front line and the only manager on the list, I did wonder what box we were therefore corporately ticking, together with all of the other things I could be doing. That soon drifted away from my mind once the training was underway. The trainers were Will and Emma and I like their styles very much, they're nice people and together work well.

The whole day was fairly easy going, nothing too taxing, quite a pleasant easy-going day. One of the exercises was about looking at a scenario and determining what kind of abuse was evident - physical, neglect, emotional or sexual. Most were fairly clear cut. There were, however, a couple that to me seemed more of a description who was in need of some help and this was in contrast to some colleagues who tend to be more conscious of risk, defensible decisions, expect the worst etc. I think during the day some of my points might have been agreed with afterall. It reminded me of sometime last summer when, in the same room I did some domestic violence awareness training (perhaps less of a tick-box event and more of a reminder). Whilst I can't quite remember all the ins and outs, I do recall saying that if only we could help people re-kindle love into some relationships. Clearly it's not for a Government agency as such to start running a dating service but getting people to understand what love and commitment really mean is something worthwhile.

For now this kind of thing simply isn't on the agenda, which is a shame given the need that's there. There's so much harm caused by relationships not working and often a recognised factor in things going wrong. We as a criminal justice system recognise this but do very little about it. We are just not ready for that. Besides, it gets into the values and circumstances of people delivering the work. Reminds me of a time when a colleague mentioned to me that it was her 20th wedding anniversary that very day, followed up by saying that she felt inhibited at sharing this news with anyone else. I asked why, saying that seemed a shame not to share such a positive thing with the people working around us. She explained that nobody else in the team was anywhere near that stage. In fact, she went onto tell me, everyone else seemed to be unhappy relationship-wise. Everyone was either divorced, separated or unhappily single and wouldn't appreciate the significance of reaching a 20th wedding anniversary by a happily married couple.

I haven't really thought of running much today, which is a real shame as I haven't had the chance to run over the last few days. Had a fair run in the snow on Sunday afternoon followed by a couple of fast one mile runs on the gym's treadmill. The fastest mile dash was 6 mins 50 seconds. That's 10 seconds off my personal best. The snow has thawed quite a bit today and will probably be OK for me to go running outside over the weekend, maybe Saturday morning. It'll seem strange for the first couple of miles but no doubt I'll be buzzing when I get home - how could I leave it that long, treadmills just aren't the same.

Back at work

I always used to worry about going back to work. What's been happening? What's happended to my cases? Suppose something has gone wrong? Whose pouring over my work, reading my notes?

Nothing much ever used to happen but it doesn't normally stop me worrying a bit. There was the time, maybe 10 or 12 years ago, when I strolled back into the office to be greeted by my manager who straight away asked me "how was the dentist, Doug?". That was a little confusing, to which I expressed that by asking "it was two weeks ago when I went to the Dentist but thank you for asking, oh it was fine, so why are you asking and isn't that one of my files you've got there?". Well something had happened that merited my manager digging out the file. I asked "so has he murdered someone?". The reply was no he hadn't but something had. It seemed a big deal to him at the time but it wasn't anything in particular but he'd been reading my last comment about seeing this man at a different time as I had to go to see the Dentist.

I've kind of taught myself not to worry because nothing much ever seems to go wrong. Having much more autonomy nowadays also makes a difference because things going wrong are normally within my sphere and nobody else's. That doesn't stop the dread of logging on to see my emails, although sometimes I do try and see how long I can get away with it. Sometimes I've been able to avoid it for a day or so although sometimes people are perplexed when they get my out-of-office message after they've been in a meeting with me.

So no great disasters while I was away. The first week back was an extraordinary week and where the Chief Officer correctly suggested we would remember for a long time to come. We were being inspected all week long with files being read, people being interviewed and focus groups galore. That coupled with the heaviest snow falls for many years all indeed led to an interesting week. We've had some inspection feedback with few suprises which will inevitably lead to various recommendations and action plans once the final conclusions have been finalised.

The trick for me is to stay one step above all of this as a way of not being too preoccupied. Thinking of things outside of work combined with always needing something to look forward to is very helpful. The effect of this approach seems to be working, so thinking through some personal challenges is really a good thing to do. I've been toying with the idea for sometime of pushing myself with endurance. All about never being satisfied with myself, or comparing myself with someone else who is ahead and never behind, always knowing I can push myself further along. So, is it to be a long distance cycle ride or a run?